In February, I visited Northern California where I took this picture of a church made famous by Ansel Adams.
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Below is a link to read my story and hear my newest song:
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My correspondence with Sammi who lost her son a year and a half ago continues below. Her words are in brown.
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On Tuesday, May 20, 2014, Judy wrote:
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Hi Sammi,
I’m writing a new song. The music for it is kind of “old English” and it has the feeling of asking a question. I wrote lyrics that perfectly describe my doubts about God.
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I do know that my music is for a certain demographic. When I shared my song with two “regular” people, I was scathed for writing “another Judy song about suffering and pain.”
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I write music as my therapy and I’m wondering if you could offer me some feedback. Your opinion would be valuable to me. Can I send you a recording of this song? If you’re not up to it, of course that’s fine.
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Judy, I would think that the two “regular” people you first shared this song with were not very good friends, otherwise they would know what your music means and why you use it as therapy. I’m sorry they said that to you.
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To say to you that you wrote “another Judy song” is the same as asking you “aren’t you over this yet?” The fear people have who have not walked this path (but are scared to death that they may have to), never ceases to amaze me. I understand their fear; I do not understand how it manifests itself into callous, cold and thoughtless statements.
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I would most certainly listen to your music if you want to send it this way. My relationship with God at the moment may color my reaction since I do not listen or read or speak about him. I do know that he exists, I’m just very angry with him at the moment.
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I’m very touched that you are willing to do this in spite of your anger with God. Please know that I do want honesty and won’t be hurt by anything you say because this song reflects my own doubts about God. I’ll email it soon – thank you so much!
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By the way, Jason’s birthday is next week and my father died two days before. So I am pretty emotional at the moment.
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Judy, first let me say that I sobbed like a baby while listening to this song. It touched me deeply, but I think you already knew it would.
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The fact that you mentioned God was what I related to because that describes me. I am so angry with him at the moment. That being said, I think if the song didn’t mention God it would have a broader appeal to more people. Many feel safer that way. Sad isn’t it? People seem so afraid to question our supreme being no matter what occurs.
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I may have felt that way myself had I not had a hole punched into my very soul by said supreme being.
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People have to deal with their own demons where that subject is concerned. It takes a lot to offend me but I have found that on this subject I am in the minority. Very well stated, Judy. Very well done. This is great therapy and has worked well for you.
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When is your son’s birthday? I would like to remember him on this day also and let him know how much his Mother has helped me…but I think he already knows.
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Oh, Sammi, your message made me cry – thank you so much!
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My search for understanding has led me to wonderful people. I really love and care about you and hope to meet you someday. I plan to write a story about this song and might share some of what we’ve both expressed; if that’s okay with you.
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You are quite welcome and can share whatever you want. I like the title you have chosen. I think those of us dealing with this pain question all of our beliefs now and we wonder why we have ever had those beliefs. I may be kicked to the end of the line but when my time comes to face my maker I have a whole shitload full of questions I want answers to.
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There were a few times in my life that I could have died as a child, by either an accident or illness but I didn’t. I wonder why God, in his supposed infinite wisdom, spared me just so I could be devastated by the loss of my Mother at a young age and then by the loss of my son when I didn’t have the strength of my Mother to lean on. I will always miss my beautiful, beautiful boy.
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After my exchange with Sammi, I shared my song on an Internet Grief Forum. Sammi also responded.
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Judy, my name is Kim. I have to say that is such a beautiful song!!! Finally one for “us!” Thank you, thank you, and thank you!!!!
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Beautiful, just beautiful! I haven’t posted in a long, long time but this song moved me to.
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Seriously Judy, and everyone else here, that song is glorious! There is so much music out there and not much, or none of it, even begins to deal with these issues. Lots of music and it is always singing about feelings, but none of it ever addresses the feelings associated with grief! Your words and song hit many high points for me-so refreshing to hear it put to song and beautiful music! You are blessed to be able to have created something so spiritually uplifting and freeing out of “it.”
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I told you, Judy :) It fits us. Sammi
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I want to thank everyone in this group for your support. It is a brotherhood and sisterhood of US and IT (the monster of grief) is what many people are terrified of. I do think that those most people usually mean well and are simply not really aware of what is helpful for us.
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My mission is to express my intimate thoughts and feelings through music and soothe anyone out there suffering – it is the gift that my son gave me.
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I am so happy to hear that my glorious song has a place in the world. It is not for everyone, but what could be more meaningful than offering comfort to other people? After going through hell and back it is incredible to be able to offer hope.
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After my son died, I was certain I’d never sing again.
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© 2014 Judy Unger and http://www.myjourneysinsight.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
